"Is having a doula really necessary? Yes, Doula Care is for the Entire Family

Because the roles of a doula and a supportive partner or co-parent tend to overlap during labor, some people wonder "Is having a doula really necessary?" Some partners even worry that the presence of a doula may even diminish or replace their own role during labor. This post is to reassure all laboring people, partners, or dads-to-be that their role is invaluable and that the presence of a skilled doula complements the support they offer, and strengthens it, allowing partners to participate at the level that feels right to them.

Read on to learn about four different ways that doula care benefits the entire family.

Reconnecting new families with the traditional ways of welcoming new babies  into the world

The expectation new parents are meant to take care of a newborn alone is not aligned with how societies have cared for families for thousands of years. Having a doula present with a new family before, during, and following the birth creates a temporary village and can help bridge the gaps in our healthcare system. We can help you to feel more comfortable with what is in the range of normal, build your confidence in your new roles as parents and caregivers, and help you get some rest and self-care in the process.

Honoring both partners transformation into parenthood

In just the last few generations, fathers have gone from being mostly absent and excluded from the delivery rooms of their partners to being present, engaged, and participating actively in the birth of their children. Let it be clear that hiring a doula does not and cannot replace or replicate the unique support that your partner can give you, but we can work together to support the birthing person to the fullest. Instead of replacing your partner in the laboring room, I provide support to both of you. Partners of laboring people are undergoing their own transformation during the birth that should be honored and supported as well. I bring with me the ancient tradition of peer-to-peer support, my years of accumulated knowledge and experience of labor and childbirth to serve you both.

Stress-reducing & Confidence Building

You read all the books. attended all the classes, and now you’re here in the midsts of labor, watching the person you care so much about experiencing the intensity of contractions and suddenly are drawing a blank on what is happening and how to help, and you may begin to feel a little helpless and even panicked. Not to worry! Your doula is calm, cool, collected, and confident and they help to recenter you by reminding you what you’ve already learned these past months and offering guidance and suggestions on how you can offer support to your partner. 

Practical + Emotional Support

“You cannot give from an empty cup,” is one of my favorite adages when I’m discussing the importance of self-care both in and out of the birthing room. If a support person is not practicing sufficient self-care, it becomes harder and harder to show up for their partner. Having a doula present at your family's labor and delivery makes it possible to take care of yourself so you can wholly be present for your laboring partner. You can feel assured that your partner never laboring alone while you take a break to eat, call any eager family members with updates, use the bathroom, or take a moment to collect yourself. Your doula will also have a bag full of tricks, quite literally, that she can draw from different tools and techniques to try out to soothe, comfort, and help you both. 

Postpartum Care and the Fourth Trimester

Before reading on, I'd like to invite readers to try this exercise: Open another tab or window and enter “postpartum” into your search engine and note how many hits or even pages you must wade through in order to find results for topics not specifically focused on “postpartum depression” .

---

During each trimester of pregnancy, our bodies change in rapid and significant ways, and for each transformation, we anticipate and prepare ourselves in earnest and a lot of time and energy into taking care of our pregnant selves and planning our ideal birthing experiences. We abstain from alcohol and sushi, attending childbirth education classes, reading all the pregnancy books, tour birthing locations and medical care providers, interview doulas, and patiently bear through all the advice from every direction (welcomed or unsolicited).

While birth marks the completion of the pregnancy, it marks the beginning of a new phase for both parent and child and new challenges. Parents and their newborns experience new rhythms of sleep, feeding and care, not to mention the physical recovery from childbirth with very few exceptions. How do we anticipate and prepare for this, and what resources are available to us during pregnancy?

Culturally, In the West, we do a poor job of supporting families into the transition of parenthood, beginning with the lack of preparation for what to expect, evident through the exercise at the beginning of this post.

Creating community is key. The expectation new parents are meant to take care of a newborn alone is not aligned with how societies have cared for families for thousands of years. Due North aims to reconnect with traditional ways of knowing around welcoming a baby into your life.

In many cultures across the world and throughout history, the postpartum period was honored as a traditional time of rest, recovery, compassionate care, and welcoming by the community for the new family. In the States, we’ve fallen away from a lie-in period and postpartum and have replaced it with an effort, if not obsession of “bouncing” back; back to a body and a life before Baby, quickly returning to our favorite activities, returning to work often out of necessity, and minimal hands-on support accumulates to a heavy burden at the expense of our physical and emotional health. The healthiest way to regain equilibrium with your life before Baby and your new life with Baby is to honor this liminal period of the fourth trimester, rest, nourish yourself and your baby, and ask and accept assistance as you adjust, and its hardest to ask for help when you’re in the most need for it, so when you’re preparing for your birth, prepare for your postpartum as well.

With Due North, postpartum doula care creates a temporary village and can help bridge the gaps in our health care system by meeting parents where they are, and empowering them by building on their existing knowledge and preferences. We can help new parents to feel more comfortable with what is in the range of normal, cultivate confidence, and can help you get some rest and self-care in the process.

For more information about Due North Support Services' Postpartum Doula Care, we invite you to schedule your free, no-obligation consultation with us.